


Lucrezia Borgia's Diary

by MademoiselledeRomance



Category: The Borgias (2011)
Genre: Diary/Journal, F/M, Renaissance Era, Sibling Incest, Sibling Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-26
Updated: 2016-08-17
Packaged: 2018-07-26 15:17:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7579132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MademoiselledeRomance/pseuds/MademoiselledeRomance
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lucrezia Borgia is a young girl, and begins writting a diary, where she talks to God. She will continue this diary during all her life. Here she describes her life, and her -most private- thougts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The birthday

**Author's Note:**

> This diary was initally written in French, so I translated it, but soon I'll post it in French. For me, it is better in French for the only reason that Lucrezia knew to speak French, while she didn't even know one word in English. More than that, French is a better language when you take the place of an ancient character, because it's a really old language itself, and there are a lot of old expressions that you can use.
> 
> It was not really easy to take Lucrezia's place, but I think that the way I wrote this is not too far of the way she would have. After all, I am only 4 years older than her when she starts this journal. 
> 
> I really hope you will enjoy it. You can leave a comment, and if you have ideas about how and what to write, please, let me know.  
> Thank you for reading !

18th of April, in that year 1492 of our Lord Jesus-Christ

I am called Lucrezia Borgia.

Dear Lord, I beg you to please give me your mercy all the times I would offend you. This book will help me to record my thoughts, my most private thoughts.

Dear Lord, protect my family, protect my brothers Cesare, Juan and Gioffre, protect my mother, Vanozza Cattanei and protect my dear uncle, Cardinal Borgia.  
Keep away from my mind the bad thoughts that I may have against my governess, Adriana, as well as the uncharitable ones for Julia Farnese, her stepdaughter.  
Dear Lord, I would try to correct me. I really like to choose dresses, and I spend too much time on secular books.  
Dear Lord, I count twelve years today, I am still very young to know all about sin. Guide my path and prevents me missteps. I want to be the Good and fight against the Evil, but how to know where does the Evil begin?

 

I am also too young to have only wise and pious thoughts, and you will have to forgive me if I sin without knowing it. I want to write on this blank pages, blank like me from all defilement, some moments of each of my days, my joys and my sorrows.

 

19th of April, in that year 1492 of our Lord Jesus-Christ

Lord, I believe, to my great displeasure, that I will not have a lot of very holy thoughts to be recorded here. Those that I have, I'll write, but it is better I think for me to just describe my days and say what I thought about it. In your infinite mercy, you will guide my hand to write only reasonable axioms.  
  
  
Yesterday, my uncle gave a banquet on the occasion of my twelve years. It was a splendid day. Many people offered me a lot of presents, including a magnificent golden dress I will probably wear for my betrothal. Yes, I'm engaged. My promise is called Cherubin de Centelles, he is a Spanish nobleman.  
He sent me a nice necklace of shiny and velvety beads. Lord, I already have four strings of pearls: is not it too much for one person?  
  
  
My mother, la Vanozza offered me a carved wooden cabinet topped with various flasks. I did not have time yet to pay attention to it, so I do not know what are their different uses.  
Juan, my brother left the papal army a few days to celebrate me. He did organize a comedy of Plautus for me, whose vulgar tone displeased me. After such a day, I felt my strength abandonned me, and, I confess to my shame, I fell into the arms of Morpheus during the performance.  
Cesare carried me to my bed, where my maid, Carmela, took care of me.  
Cesare is my brother, the eldest of us. He was the one who offered me this beautiful book. There was my name embroidered in silver letters on it. It is covered in sky blue velvet, the shade I prefer. Cesare bought it in Perugia. I think this is my favorite present. I'll tell my brother.  
He wrote on the first page:  
"To my sister Lucrezia, this book is the reflection of your pure soul. Since I have to go to Perugia, you can no longer confide the thoughts that trouble you, and I want that you can unravel, on these white pages, the tangle of your feelings. Fondly. Cesare "  
  
  
I am annoyed that Cesare has to return to Perugia, because this is the person I love most in the world. But my uncle pointed out to me, not without reason, that our sweet childhood ended and that we would be constantly separated in the future. I have to accept that.  
My uncle is the second person that have my preference. He is a father to me. A father, I've never had one, but the Lord was enough to fill me. Everyone told me my father had known a sad end on the battlefield. I trust my uncle utterly and absolutely. He works for my good and I am grateful to him. Because, after all, what required him to take care as he does (that is to say, with all possible care) of his brother's widow and children? As he is priest, the Lord must have told him the idea.  
So when he showed me the prospect of marriage with the lord of Centelles, I did not hesitate (and, after all, could I?) :at least I had to thank him for all he did to assure my education.  
Sometimes I see my mother, Vanozza Cattanei. She is a Roman patrician lady, who remarried four times since the death of my father, according to the desire of my uncle. My mother is a breathtaking beauty, but Juan says sometimes she "feels overly Spain." Yes, my mother is brown-haired, has black eyes and a kind of olive-colored skin, which does hardly corresponds to the canons of Roman beauty. But her face is the one of an angel. She is tender and understanding. The servants are always whispering that she knows all about love. Me ... I know the disgusting spectacle of Juan with his whores, which does not tempt me at all. I have no attraction to the things of the flesh. They just seem to be horrible, and the way my maids speak about it just sickens me more.  
My marriage with Cherubin de Centelles would not frighten me if I didn't have to go through this. But it will only be a few bad moments to pass, I must accept the idea.  
I am surprised that love can have so many different facets. When I see Juan fornicating with a lady, I know that thing is called love; but the feeling I have for my uncle is called love also, and this is not at all the same thing! I also wonder why do we call "love" a so repulsive thing! How imagine ... imagine my brother Cesare, for example, who is so tender and gentle with me, doing such things? But ... my example is a misnomer, because I know that Cesare may prove dangerous and violent, terrible, almost uncontrollable if somebody excite his wrath. It is not good to be his enemy ...  
  
  
How can I prohibit my bed to my husband, at least the early days of our marriage? I wish he could love me as Cesare does, and that he never tries to do with me what Juan does with his whores ...  
  
  



	2. The fiancé

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucrezia continues to write. Today, she makes portrait of her relatives, and has received a miniature representing her fiancé.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I took me so long to translate it, I'm sorry for that. The next chapter will be posted sooner, and it will contains a lot more of "Cesare/Lucrezia" ! Thank you for reading, and please feel free to leave a comment, or of course to tell me if there are incoherences in my text, or mistakes ! ;)

21st of April, in that year 1492 of our Lord Jesus-Christ

"My dear Chérubin, I love you..." How to say those so important and deep words to him, with that horrible name ? That's sounds so ridiculous and weird ! 

Even to Juan it would be less difficult. "My dear Juan, I love you..." That is extremely beautiful in comparison ! 

I came back yesterday to Adriana's home. Adriana ? I just became aware that I didn't mention her here... well, I asked our Lord to give me the strength for I can love her, and not hate her.  
So let's speak about Dona Mila. My uncle placed my brother Cesare and me beneath her protection. Later, Juan joined us. Adriana is my uncle's cousin. Deep down, she's not as evil as she seems to be, and she is far to be stupid. But she is always dry, stark, harsh and crabbed ; she would never support you, or take care of what you feel. 

Her son Orsini, is the most ugly young man who has ever existed (how is it possible, only God knows that, her mother is so elegant and beautiful !). He is engaged to a beautiful young woman, from one of the most noble and important italian families : Giulia Farnese. Her family is yet quite poor. Since they are engaged, Giulia lives here too with us. She is six years older than me. 

I don't feel any kind of ahte for Giulia or anything, she's is a really clever and refined girl. But precisely, she takes too seriously that role of chaperone, and tell me regularly about what I should do and not do, which is very unpleasant to me, with a superior air which exasperates me.

I have to confess that her exceptional beauty exasperates me too. Her face is perfect, her features are thin and beautiful ; her skintone is white as milk ; her mouth is like a rose, and her tooth like pearls. She has a small and well-proportionned nose ; she's absolutely not tall, quite small and fragile. Her waist is so thin... Her eyes are black, a kind of ink, so intense ; for her hair, it is wonderful, red and curled. 

 

My mother doesn't seem to like her, but my uncle is very troubled where she in the same room. She throws him languorous glances... Are they even looking at themselves, considering how much they are ridiculous ? Her, so young, not even twenty years old, and him, who is close to be sixty ? 

Well, Giulia is yet my friend. She is brilliant and funny, and also smart. I think I can trust her. 

 

22nd of April, in that year 1492 of our Lord Jesus-Christ

A miniature ! I have just received a portrait of my fiancé, the lord of Centelles ! Centelles... I like this name. In French, "lace" is called "dentelle", and "dentelle" sounds like "Centelles". Centelles... Lucrezia of Centelles... that is quite pretty, right ? L. C. . Those letters please me. C, as Centelles, C, like Cesare !  
Chérubin is... nor handsome, nor ugly. He is barely older than me. He is blach-haired, his skin is kind of dark, his eyes brown. 

My uncle is coming to visit me this afternoon. I fear a little bit that moment... My uncle is very kind, so I don't fear him especially, but the nes he is bringing. Indeed, when Adriana announced me his arrival, I saw she was worried. She told me to be beautiful as possible, to make him happy and in a great mood. 

But, to my surprise, Adriana came to me, in her large black dress, and embrace me briefly... As if she wanted to protect me or something like that. 

I asked Carmela to take care of my appareance. I wore a velvety green dress, with golden lace. Carmela made a beautiful hairstyle wth my hair, full of braids and curls.  
She is very nice, I like her. She is two years older than me, and she is funny, malicious. She is beautiful, with her long and brown curls, her golden eyes, her impish nose, and many men are around her. 

Oh, I am hearing my uncle in the corridor. I can't wait to know why he is here... and mainly, what he has to tell me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dentelle = lace

**Author's Note:**

> Adriana da Mila was the real governess of the Borgia children, during their entire childhood. She is not represented in The Borgias (she is totally replaced by their mother, who is yet a really different character), but she did exist, and it was important to me to mention her, to respect historical facts.


End file.
